It's hard to imagine that in 1992 I sold everything I owned to move to the USA. I said goodbye to my family, I remember them being upset with me because I was on another crazy journey doing something stupid. Looking back is all a blur, but jump ahead 18 years and 2 divorces later, I find myself at the mercy of child support. It feels as though no matter just how much I earn, the more the sharks circle, I have felt it is hard to move ahead in a wildly successful manner due to this. I sometimes wonder if I hide behind it as an excuse, but when I look at all the things I have tried to do in my time here, it's almost like life has the last laugh. But even as it type those words, something inside tells me not to give that any validity as the negativity only compounds the beliefs.
Who's to blame, who did what and beyond has been written, recored and is subjective at best, so for me to point fingers is pointless and self serving at best.
"That which does not break me..." How many times have I told myself this?
To grow older apart from my children was not anything in my life's game plan. It was not how I grew up, not how I had thought life would "pan out" so to speak.
My daughter turns 10 this week! she lives 400 miles away from me, I died inside the day she moved out of town. She now lives in PA with her mom, so her mom can be close to her family.
Finding myself here and now is an eye opener, some years back I thought this all must be a part of some much larger plan, that there must be a reason to all of this, then over time I found no there wasn't, then eventually, yes there was. hehe I now have a site being developed just for single dads that do not live with their kids. Something is coming out of all of this! Something pretty darn cool!
I wish we could offer a free service for everyone, allow every dad the services we are developing at NJ Mac Magic for Fathers in Touch. NJMacMagic is a Macintosh tech company that is slowly evolving over time to be whatever it needs to be in realms of Mac and Web Solutions. NJMacMagic is a company, but I see FathersinTouch.com turning into a passion as it has meaningful involvement and interaction with the fathers out there that if not helped, might inadvertently forget to feed a young child's heart and mind the way they should.
While picking up my daughter, it hit me I had not (again) sent her a card I had promised. It really hit me that enough was enough. An hour later during a 200 mile drive home, I conjured the site up from all the thoughts I had had over the years and FathersInTouch.com was borne.
It is hard to be descriptive presently about its services as the concept could easily be stolen. I am in the middle of having items printed, created, stuff coded and concepts pushed further by some of my finest helpers! (the children of divorce themselves) Their replies to some of my hardest questions have been eye opening. But then to find ways to create a method for these things to actually happen has been the second part of the puzzle. I love to invent machines, so it has been a fun project, creating methods of doing what needs to be done.
As I watch TV or travel and see so many children and the way young boys treat girls and mothers in general has left me sad for the future of mankind. I was raised to say please and thank you and pardon me and open doors and walk on the outside when with a girl. Almost everywhere I see it's each person for themselves, there seems to be no more courtship, no more chivalrous actions and swearing is now almost common place which is maddening to me. This is only my opinion, but how do you want your daughters spoken to? treated? loved? Who's teaching the adults of tomorrow with our without a father or well rounded family support system.
Why can't there be a code of conduct between adults to raise our own children and also oversee the kids of society too as they mouth of obscenities or are disruptive in public. With all the policing of laws, why can't swearing and harsher conduct laws be put into place? Kids need to learn, they need role models and we need to step up to the plate in being the best role model we can be. I have fallen short in my time as a dad, no excuses really, sometimes I see kids use it as an excuse to not do something a certain way or not do things at all.
The outcome of this site is to create a range of services for single fathers to enable their job as a dad that cares and help raise their kids with love and is felt fully by their children, the future parents of tomorrow. With the use of todays technology so much can be offered to help a single dad. Having lived the life for so many years and still fresh in the trenches paying child support and helping to raise a 10 year old girl and 17 year old boy, I feel uniquely qualified to help and guide and offer a support system to help change lives or make lives easier.
This site is not for mothers, although it might be of service. I feel I need to concentrate on what I have experience with. I can only speak of the USA, but the laws are bias in the mother's favor, and while there are also dads that deserve to have their children taken away from them, so many more of us are loyal, loving, caring dads. A bitter ex-wife, is simply that, not a determiner of your fathering abilities. I don't care what you say, all I could afford for years was pasta and pasta sauce for my own mouth, while the 'law' took its portion from my pay check each week. I use to cycle 20 miles to and from work each day and worked long hours. If I call child support about a query or administrative issue with my cases, I am treated over the phone as a criminal, truly I feel as though I am being spoken down to and trodden on, why?
Again, this site is not for the Moms out there, it is based on what a good dad experiences, we shall talk of moms and mothering roles, but none of this is fodder for mixing words with any mothers in general. No disrespect to any moms reading, we love you of course, but dad needs help (I hear you saying, and you think I don't need help?) hehe again, this is not the place, being a mother, you have so many resources out there already.
This site is not about who did what, who is right or wrong, it's for helping men helping kids and guiding them to be awesome adults or at least to be more balanced in their growth.
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